The Importance of Having Positive Representation in Media for WLW Relationships

As a lesbian (and a creative one at that), I've come across a major issue when it comes to a lot of the LGBTQ representation we currently have out there in the media. Toxic relationship culture.

Now granted, yes there is a PLETHORA of heterosexual content that glorifies toxic relationships. From movies about toxic men that women can't help to chase, to reality TV that thrives on total toxicity and drama just for ratings.

But even with toxic culture being on the rise, at least there are times where you can actually come across a beautiful gem where the relationship is truly pure, loving, and wholesome. They're rare to see but always so wonderful to find.

I can't tell you how many lesbian films or series I've watched where the premise is centered around deception, betrayal, and pain. Now would that be so much of an issue if we had a plethora of content just like heterosexual media does? I suppose not. But the problem is we don't.

LGBTQ content is a very low percentage compared to heterosexual content, and lesbian content specifically has less content than gay or bisexual content. You see the shortage across various mediums whether it be film, series, or even comics.

In the LGBTQ comic world, Boy Love (BL) is such a popular genre with so many different stories. There never seems to be a shortage of BL on comic platforms, and it is a genre that is always growing.

Girl Love (GL), on the other hand, has been making a rise in recent years, but it still feels so fresh and limited. There aren't nearly as many stories in the GL genre as there is in BL, but new creators continue to pave the way for unique lesbian love stories.

As the artist and author of the ongoing sapphic series, Our Little Universe, I strive to tell lesbian love stories in a light that is more positive, healthy, and wholesome. As a lesbian creator, I also feel like it's my duty to represent WLW relationships in better ways than we're constantly used to seeing in media.

When I made this series, I didn't want the messy, toxic drama where my characters are constantly hurting each other and going through vicious, unhealthy cycles. Instead, I wanted to create a soft, nurturing, and protective love. One where each character can continue to grow as individuals while learning and embracing all their partner's wants, needs, and flaws.

I came out of the closet in late 2017 around the time of first starting this series, so my previous relationships were toxic hetero ones. So when I began the series, I had absolutely no prior dating experience with a woman at all. It was all created based on how I felt relationships were really meant to be. But unfortunately, not all of us have the best luck when it comes to relationships.

When I finally came out as a lesbian, I'll admit that I was a little naive. I thought I would meet a woman who would instantly sweep me off my feet and show me the joys of the soft love that I so desperately craved to have. But unfortunately, my first experience dating a woman was extremely traumatic and heartbreaking.

I ended up in the clutches of a misogynistic, freeloader, narcissist who took advantage of me and my kindness in the worst ways possible for her own personal gain and selfishness. Before that experience, I never knew there could be misogynistic lesbians in the world. But she surely opened my eyes to the dark sides of the lesbian community.

She would always make snide remarks about my weight (even though she weighed a lot more than me), and she would make comments about me not wearing something "sexy enough" for bed when she barely ever even made an effort to keep up with her own appearance or hygiene. It was twisted, manipulative, emotional abuse, and her financially draining me was just the cherry on top. But to add even more insult to injury, she ended up having a whole affair with an ex-girlfriend of hers who was already married. So the amount of damage and mayhem she caused in my life was beyond devastating...and that's an understatement.

That first experience as a baby lesbian took a huge toll on me. Did it traumatize me so much that I thought of going back to hetero relationships? No, that never once crossed my mind. I am 1,000% sure that I am meant to be with a woman, and honestly after that breakup I should've given myself a much-needed, long break from dating. But unfortunately, I was in such a fragile, vulnerable state of mind at that point that I actually ended up dating again.

I thought the second time around would be better, and for the moment it seemed like it could be, but then it took a turn for the worst to a whole other extreme that I wasn't mentally equipped or prepared to deal with. I couldn't deal with dating an unhealed woman while I am also unhealed myself. But it was so much more than just that. I couldn't deal with someone always accusing me of cheating when I know in my heart and soul that I could never do that to someone else.

I've never been a cheater. I've been the one to wear my heart out on my sleeve, but unfortunately in this world a lot of people take advantage of kindness and empathy. But to be accused of cheating just because I frequently use social media to share my art, animations, and keep up with my comic business was an added emotional trauma that I have never experienced before.

Knowing that you don't possess a cheating bone in your body and to be accused of cheating by your partner not once or twice but so many different times can take a huge toll on you mentally in ways I didn't even know were possible. It is a pain that hurts constantly because no matter how much you try to walk on eggshells and find ways to reassure your partner, the accusation just continues to come. The sad thing is that you know it's always coming. It's just a matter of when. And then you have the never-ending thought about what you did this time to trigger it.

I felt utterly alone, depressed, and yearned for an escape from the madness. I hoped the accusations would stop. Hoped maybe one day that she'd realize I haven't done anything wrong. But it never stopped. Even up until the day we broke up and went our separate ways.

Would I say I still feel the negative effects from both of those relationships, even after 2 years of being single? Yes, of course. I am on a healing journey, and I've been working so hard on uplifting my spirits and reshaping who I am. Some days are better than others. The other days are extremely hard and stressful. But what I've learned is that it's ok to feel broken and unhealed.

Healing is a long, treacherous journey, and it's an emotional rollercoaster of rediscovering yourself and what you truly want out of life. No one said it would be easy. And as I get older, I learn that putting your unhealed energy onto someone else is simply not the answer. Thinking a relationship will magically erase any past pain and trauma is a false narrative that some realize far too late.

As a lesbian who is relatively still fresh to the LGBTQ community, am I sad that I had those traumatic extremes as my first WLW relationship experience? In some ways, yes. But oddly, no as well. Why, you ask?

Because those relationships (just like any others you have in this life) are all learning lessons that will teach you what you don't deserve and reshape your train of thought. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to go through a lot of pain and hardship to truly build the foundation of our future. Yes, of course I do mourn the loss of the innocently oblivious, care-free woman I once was before all the trauma. But out of all the wreckage, rose a strong, independent woman who is learning to embrace herself and stand firm on what she wants. I am merely pouring all the love and care back into myself that I naively wasted on others who did not deserve it.

But in the end, I did not let bad relationship experiences taint the characters I worked so hard to build in Our Little Universe. Does each character have their own personal struggles that they deal with? Yes, always. But those struggles are met with love, nurturing, and care from their partner in a way that is unmatched. My characters may fall from time to time and beat themselves up over certain things, but they learn to pick themselves back up and accept the safety and warmth their partners always offer.

I created characters who are flawed in their own ways, but continue to grow and develop as the beautiful women they are. And as their dedicated creator, in a strange way I feel like I can live vicariously through them. As I learn myself and grow as a woman, I can also watch them become stronger, more rounded individuals who truly embrace who they are. Their journeys are a guide to help me in my own. This story is not only about loving someone else unconditionally. It also about loving yourself.